FAQ
On Baby Proof
What made you decide to explore the theme of a woman not wanting to be a mother in Baby Proof? I had one-year-old twin sons when I began writing Baby Proof, so I am often asked this question. Although I have always wanted children, have never regretted my decision to have them, and love my children more than anything, I am also acutely aware of how radically they change your life. And while it might be a bit taboo to discuss this, there are definite drawbacks to parenthood. You lose a certain physical and emotional freedom that I don’t think you ever fully regain. In any event, it’s the biggest decision a person can make, yet also seems to be our society’s presumptive expectation, and I think that a lot of people make the decision in a somewhat mechanical way. I wanted to explore a different perspective, and I wanted to show that you can be a compassionate, loving person—and still want a childfree life. I actually began writing the novel with Claudia as the one who changes her mind about wanting children, while Ben remained resolute in his childfree stance. But when I switched these roles and, to a certain extent, gender stereotypes, the story felt more fresh and interesting. And finally, I really wanted to consider the question of whether there is ever a deal-breaker when it comes to love. Couples can compromise on a lot of major life issues, but having a child might be the only all-or-nothing proposition. So I thought the baby issue was the perfect way to explore the theme of whether true love really can conquer all.
Do you think that, at a time when women are just as invested as men in their careers, a woman's decision not to have children is more common and/or more accepted? Or, is the stigma that a woman "should" follow a maternal instinct (one she "naturally" should have) as persistent as it's always been? Yes. I think that societal pressure is as persistent and pervasive as ever. In many ways, I think it remains the last great stigma against women. I think society makes assumptions that a woman without a child couldn’t have one, rather than didn’t want one (which is why the term “childless” is much more common than “childfree”). If we learn that a woman is childless by choice, we instinctively make judgments about her—and view her as either cold or overly consumed by her career. There’s just something about motherhood that’s exalted above all else, and the result is that women who choose not to have them are marginalized. Consider the so-called “mommy wars”. The debate is always couched in terms of women who “do it all” by balancing a job and a career versus women who stay at home as full-time mothers. Women who don’t want children aren’t even being discussed. And after writing this book, I know there are plenty of such women out there. I have received so many emails from women eager to share their own stories, and tell me how glad they are that I wrote this book. In some ways, the feedback I received from this book has been the most gratifying.